1am is the time the street lights turn off but it’s that time that the lights in my brain turn on. It’s weird that I’m more awake at 1am than any other time throughout the day. At 1am I think I have ideas to change the world, that whatever I’m thinking is magical. 1am is the time of darkness but the time when I’m most alive.
I’d hate to think that I’m the only one thinking about this at 1am but it just popped into my brain. Why can’t I sleep at night? Why is it that all my ideas and thoughts about the world come out now? The ideas and over thinking of the day before that can’t shift out of my head? Why am I thinking so positively yet so negatively at the same time? Why am I writing this like it’s poetry? At 1am I don’t think it’s the right time to be asking myself philosophical questions, but when is the right time?
I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but this time is the worst time of my day. Once it passes midnight I believe I can do anything. Whether it’s right or wrong it’s like I’m not in control of my brain. Recently I have had real trouble sleeping I’m not able to fall asleep at 11pm anymore, its more like 2am or later.
I thought it was because I was using electrical devices too late or drinking coffee past 3pm (which is apparently really bad for you). Once I had cut out both of those things I thought my sleeping pattern would go back to normal. I’m questioning the fact that I’m a teenager and I’m in a nocturnal phase where I go to sleep late and wake up late but last night I fell asleep past 2am and awoke before 7am. It was horrible and I’ve suffered all day.
I also thought that I had a lot on my mind. Today I had to experience things that I hadn’t been used to. I had to meet people, important people, that I hadn’t seen in years. I have also done lots of things recently and a lot of things coming up so perhaps I’m nervous but I really hope that’s not true.
I had hoped I could cope with all of it but right now I’m struggling and I can’t sleep. I don’t want it to get to the point where I have to visit a doctor to get sleeping pills, but if that’s going to sort my system out then maybe it’s the best idea?
I think that maybe it’s just been a rough week/s and that it will get back to normal soon but my life is so here, there and everywhere that this is my new normal. One thing I have got straight is that I want to get my sleeping pattern in order so that these blog posts are clear!
With the lack of sleep I feel my sentences don’t make any sense and all the letters are confusing me!! I seriously need some sleep, coffee can’t cover this one! To my dearest moonshines:
I never realised why I named you moonshines but it makes so much sense now. I think that like the moon I’m awake at night and shining with too much unhealthy energy (what a random idea!!) Well I’m currently going with it… If you have any suggestions or advice with my sleeping pattern and lack of sleep please let me know I’m feeling sleepy!